


Melancholy

by kekneki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, basically just drabble tbh, short af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekneki/pseuds/kekneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was an ironic protagonist, stuck in his own tragedy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melancholy

**Author's Note:**

> eyo  
> some more short shit i'm sorry  
> also the all of you that are waiting for part 2/2 on the threesome fic  
> it'll HOPEFULLY be done this weekend  
> also idk if any of you will notice but i retagged the fics with shironeki to have shironeki as the character and not kaneki  
> just to avoid any confusion/misconceptions and such  
> someone was confused in a posted comment and i figured i should un-muck the tags and i'll tag shironeki as shironeki in the future  
> so yeah thats fixed  
> ily guys <3

He was alone.

No, maybe that wasn’t exactly correct.

The only company the young man had was the demons and spiraling hell inside of his precious head. The drain that leaked with his sanity was clogged by his own constant paranoia and depressed thoughts. His ears would ring like jingle bells, but it was anything but lightening or heartfelt to him; if anything, it was deafening and painful to bear nowadays. No matter how hard he pressed his hands to his ears, the noise wouldn’t cease until countless hours, maybe even days, had passed by him like the sand in the hourglass on his desk.

He would sometimes reminisce of his memories of his youth, but that was gone.

Even through sincerity, he couldn’t look any of his acquaintances in the eye seriously anymore. He felt a series of emotions; guilt, rage, sadness, hopelessness… sometimes he didn’t feel anything. Kaneki felt like that, sometimes, he didn’t have the privilege of feeling genuine emotions to even attempt to put a lid on the overflowing guilt on his conscience. The mask he wore to hide his depression was similar to the one he used to hide his identity; manufactured and used to hide the truth.

Only a few people could truly read what he was feeling, mask or not. One of them was definitely Touka; even behind her own problems, she almost felt like her own worries were minuscule compared to Kaneki’s true reality. Sure, she wasn’t one to show her emotions that easily, for she had more of an over-grown shell than a mask, but if there was one person she could relate to or have a minimal understanding of, it was Kaneki. She was fully aware of Kaneki’s inability to even look her in the eyes, but she didn’t mind somehow. Perhaps she understood what it was like to not be sincere; to not be able to establish the bound of trust with an important person anymore.

Kaneki definitely wouldn’t purposely concern someone like Hinami with his problems, but she probably picked up at least a little bit of it from Touka. Yoshimura was pretty aware of everything, as were probably Yomo, Itori, and Uta. Nishiki and the other workers at Anteiku, not including Touka, probably had more of an understanding than the inseparable trio. Then again, maybe not; even despite their own unique bonds with Kaneki alone.

Even with the supposed support group, Kaneki was still stuck in the deep, dark and thick groove that he was on his own. In a way, he almost was; he pushed people away or left them completely with the intent of protecting them. Instead and in truth, he wasn’t doing that at all; he frayed his strings of bond with the people he cared about until they snapped on their own, or they were forcibly ripped apart. It pained Kaneki so much to do things this way, but he was plagued with the lies of that it was the best way. His motto in life was to ‘hurt himself over others’, but his actions were the true contradiction in his life.

He was an ironic protagonist, stuck in his own tragedy.

The only source of true comfort Kaneki could find for himself was through his longtime childhood friend, Hide. Hide was more than a friend, past a lover, and beyond his soul mate. Hide was the bridge between Kaneki’s life as a human, and Kaneki’s life as a ghoul. Hide was Kaneki’s best friend through his childhood, the death of his mother, his disappearance… and remained through all of Kaneki’s hardships. Hide prepared himself for the worst when Kaneki finally explained it to him; witnessing the deaths of his friends, being ripped apart and tortured, forced to count down repeatedly for months… and surprisingly, Hide took it with open arms. It was clear Hide didn’t fully understand the struggles and pain Kaneki went through, but Hide felt as a person that if he did his best to reconnect with the other, he could learn to understand, and even help the other.

Kaneki would discreetly describe Hide as his sunshine. Hide was the daylight that Kaneki could possibly never witness ever again, at least not without his guard up.


End file.
